i actually like how this sounds. kind of. you should read it if you want to.

i just thought of that great day we spent together, back when things when good. before everything changed for the worst.
do you remember that? because i fucking remember it with everything i’ve got. sometimes, i think, if it weren’t for that faint, blurred picture in my mind, i might not still be here. because that night i felt invincible. on top of the world. i was exactly where i wanted to be with exactly who i wanted to be with. it seemed like things might actually work out, an incredible feeling i had lost touch with long ago. i was happy.
just being next to you in a random stranger’s basement, listening to this delicious music, feeling the beats pulsing through our bodies. i lost myself there. i wasn’t thinking, i was focusing solely on the music and my resulting emotions. without my mind present, my heart chose you. you were the only fucking thing i WANTED! and i was so close to getting it until it slipped right through my fingers.
often times i find myself imagining what would have happened if i kissed you, but then my stomach starts churning and i get queasy. i guess things really are too good to be true. i just want you to know that i would, quite literally, go to the moon and back for you, and there aren’t many people i can say that about. i don’t know quite how to explain to you that i would do everything i could possibly do to make you happy. i’ve never felt that way about anyone else, ever.
you’re not just something i can get over. no, it’s not that easy. i guess i’ll just have to find a way to cope with the fact that you’ll always be that person lingering in the back of my mind, the person i miss very much, the person that makes me feel positively wonderful. i’ll find a way to come to terms with that eventually. in the mean time, though, i’ll just try to remember times like these. maybe it’s the first step of becoming whole again.